In the last months I'm wondering about how hard is being a fan, I mean you dedicate your life for someone for years, you protect them against bad comments, support all their decisions and you are proud to be a fan.
Well I thought I was... it's been six years and things change, she changed but I don't. I stoped to live for her to live for me, 100% of my life I was thinking of my idols, I didn't enjoy my life like a normal person of my age does. I didn't go to parties and hang out with my friends to stay home connect to internet waiting for news. I remember the time I knew every step my idols did, actually I lived more of "their" life than mine, knew more about them than I knew about myself.
Like I said things changed, they are not the same like they were six years ago, they grew and sometimes I feel bad about this but I don't recognize them anymore. Not all, but one in special, she changed so much that I wonder if she still care about her fans who was standing for her all this years. I lost years of my life to see a girl, I mean, a woman become someone completely different than she was.
My friend asked me why I still love her if I don't agree with her attitudes or if I don't acept her choices. I chose the wrong answer, I said it was for the same reason she does with her boyfriend. It was rude, and wrong, but it was all I could respond.
Later that month more things I didn't agree happened, disappointed was the word, I couldn't belive she was able to act like this. I cried because being a fan of someone you can't recognize anymore is hard, the felling is the same but the person who I love is not. And talking with a lot of others fans I found out I'm not the only stuck in this questions. It really worth it at all?
Even if it hurts seeing her grow up, is still my girl and I feel awful to judge her so much, I get mad, angry, sometimes I want to go to LA to slap on her face and say "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE? WHERE IS MY IDOL I USED TO KNOW?" or "WHAT KIND OF SHIT DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR MIND, THAT'S NOT YOU" but I wouldn't be able to do this, I still love her. I decide to do something different, I put her on a punishment. Let me explain it better, I'll still be her fan, but I won't dedicate my life to her, and I'll tweet her saying what I think, even if she are not going to like (in case if she read). My dedication to her will not be the same, actually is not a punishment for her, it's for me I guess. I need to be conscious that it's her life, she don't mind if we agree or not, and if she is doing something stupid, she is the one who will regret later, not me.
It's a hard decision to let it go, to stop being 100% dedicated to her, but I need to grow up too, she is having her dreams coming true and I'm here stuck in her life. That's my time That doesn't mean I'm not her fan, I'm, but now I'm growing up too.
I just can't forget or give up on her, maybe its just for now and she will be back, no one change so much like she did, her old one will appear someday, I think. All I could do and say for you who feel the same way is to wait. Let's see what the future brings.
Well I thought I was... it's been six years and things change, she changed but I don't. I stoped to live for her to live for me, 100% of my life I was thinking of my idols, I didn't enjoy my life like a normal person of my age does. I didn't go to parties and hang out with my friends to stay home connect to internet waiting for news. I remember the time I knew every step my idols did, actually I lived more of "their" life than mine, knew more about them than I knew about myself.
Like I said things changed, they are not the same like they were six years ago, they grew and sometimes I feel bad about this but I don't recognize them anymore. Not all, but one in special, she changed so much that I wonder if she still care about her fans who was standing for her all this years. I lost years of my life to see a girl, I mean, a woman become someone completely different than she was.
My friend asked me why I still love her if I don't agree with her attitudes or if I don't acept her choices. I chose the wrong answer, I said it was for the same reason she does with her boyfriend. It was rude, and wrong, but it was all I could respond.
Later that month more things I didn't agree happened, disappointed was the word, I couldn't belive she was able to act like this. I cried because being a fan of someone you can't recognize anymore is hard, the felling is the same but the person who I love is not. And talking with a lot of others fans I found out I'm not the only stuck in this questions. It really worth it at all?
Even if it hurts seeing her grow up, is still my girl and I feel awful to judge her so much, I get mad, angry, sometimes I want to go to LA to slap on her face and say "WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE? WHERE IS MY IDOL I USED TO KNOW?" or "WHAT KIND OF SHIT DO YOU HAVE IN YOUR MIND, THAT'S NOT YOU" but I wouldn't be able to do this, I still love her. I decide to do something different, I put her on a punishment. Let me explain it better, I'll still be her fan, but I won't dedicate my life to her, and I'll tweet her saying what I think, even if she are not going to like (in case if she read). My dedication to her will not be the same, actually is not a punishment for her, it's for me I guess. I need to be conscious that it's her life, she don't mind if we agree or not, and if she is doing something stupid, she is the one who will regret later, not me.
It's a hard decision to let it go, to stop being 100% dedicated to her, but I need to grow up too, she is having her dreams coming true and I'm here stuck in her life. That's my time That doesn't mean I'm not her fan, I'm, but now I'm growing up too.
I just can't forget or give up on her, maybe its just for now and she will be back, no one change so much like she did, her old one will appear someday, I think. All I could do and say for you who feel the same way is to wait. Let's see what the future brings.
Amazing.
ReplyDeleteÉ triste, e muitos não vão entender. Mas é isso.